Display of Power by Daymond John

John, the founder and CEO of fashion label FUBU, presents the inspiring story of his life, from his upbringing as a poor black youth to his rise as a fashion juggernaut, recently ranked #15 in men’s magazine Details’ “50 Most Influential Men,” and presented a Crain’s Business “Top Forty Under Forty Award.”

Opinion on the book

I loved this book because it was short. Now don’t get me wrong : it’s a good book. But Daymond goes direct to the point, without letting his reader waste any time. Basically it’s about how he rose himself from the “ghetto” to the FUBU empire we know today, with the lessons that came with this rising. But first of all, it’s an inspirational book about YOUR potential rising.

The Book in One Sentence

Find a way or make one. If you want it bad enough, you should let nothing stop you.

Quotes

“‘I’d never heard the phrase before – display of power – and that’s when it hit me : two different people, all outward appearances they might look the same, but inside they just have no idea what they’re capable of. Inside, they’ve got the same ability to turn it on and fire it up, but it’s how we turn it on and fire it up that makes all the difference.”

“These are the type of people, you’re not about to keep them from being successful. You can help them or not, but you can’t stand in their way.”

Notes

There would be no point in giving a summary of this book. If Daymond’s life interests you, read it. If it doesn’t, don’t read it. Instead, here are some of the lessons from the book :

• Think Big (cliche alert ). There is nothing that forces you to work on someone else’s dream
• care for the little details. For example you can increase sales in a retail store by 20% just by putting chairs so men can sit
• sell through is important, but if you don’t make enough products to meet demand, it can be a real buzz-kill
• my favorite : “I think I was probably drunk at the time, but I’ve since realized that being clear-headed has nothing to do with clarity of vision. Truth be told, I had some of my best ideas when I was out partying with my friends” -> it’s the first time I see it put that way, but I can totally relate. Am I the only one? Tell me
• you need to be able to relate and connect with all kind of people, from all backgrounds, not just “your” people
• check out the competition, if only for “inspiration”
• use other people’s money
• talent is good, but the drive to actually act and make an impact is better
• on employees : it takes his employees two weeks to mimic the way he/she is being treated. Also he pays them (the top ones) as much as possible instead of as little as he can get away with
• to young entrepreneurs : learn your business from the ground up. Don’t be one of those CEO who has no power because he has no idea what’s going on in his company
• never be so arrogant or full of yourself to think you know it all, even when you’re riding high (especially when you’re riding high !)

Why you should (or should not) buy that book

As I said before, this book is very inspirational so if you’re not uninterested  by the subject, go for it. You can get it for free here thanks to Jay Abraham.

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~Thomas

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Blink : The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell

Blink is about the first two seconds of looking–the decisive glance that knows in an instant. The key is to rely on our “adaptive unconscious”–a 24/7 mental valet–that provides us with instant and sophisticated information to warn of danger, read a stranger, or react to a new idea.

Opinion on the book

The book was a rather quick (222 pages on Kindle) and interesting read. It’s about that first automatic subconscious judgement we make every second when interacting with the world. The book is well written, and every chapter is illustrated by a story of how this first two seconds influenced situations.

The Book in One Sentence

Your brain is a piece of art, and those “blink” you get are one of the tools you have to take into account. It influences the way you act with world, or the way the world interacts with you, or your company and your products.

Quotes

“Our first impressions are generated by our experiences and our environment, which means that we can change our first impressions – we can alter the way we thin-slice – by changing the experiences that comprise those impressions. [...] Taking rapid cognition seriously – acknowledging the incredible power, for good and ill, that first impressions play in our lives – requires that we take active steps to manage and control those impressions.”

Notes

# What is the blink effect and how does it work ?

 The blink effect is the two first seconds – sometimes milliseconds – that happen when you encounter anything, and make a snap judgment without even being conscious of it. For example if you arrive in a room and someone looks behind you with an air of terror, you don’t need to actually think to realize something is going on. Or if you’re a pro at art, you can identify a fake without seconds, just by the “something is wrong” feeling you get when you see it.

What you must know about the blink effect :

- it is a very powerful force, totally unconscious, and very quick

- it is fallible, and can be thrown off / controled. For example if you “prime” someone with pictures / words of generosity and niceness, they will be more incline to act as such. Also someone concentrating on “famous scientists” before an exam had much better results than people concentrating on “football hooligans” before that exam

- it takes place behind a “locked door”, meaning we more or less know what the results of that blink is, what we feel about the new situation, but we are VERY bad at explaining it. Our explanation of it can’t really be trusted

- it works by association. If you see someone well dressed and tall you will associate it with leadership. But those association are not a conscious choice, which means you can be wrong

- the subconscious is the principal tool of people dealing in high stress situations were there is no time to think and expertise is required : firemen, military generals, surgeons…

- under high stress, our focus narrows, we become blind to some parts of our environment. Too little focused and you’re not using the power of your subconscious enough. Too much and you become close to the reality of the situation and can’t control yourself properly (think : soldier when they get into battle the first time). You need to find that sweet “state” of arousal. Between 115 and 145 heartbeats per minute. The more aroused the less we rely on our senses, and instead rely on the rigid associations of our subconscious. That’s why training is so important.

# Business applications

- panels of consumers very often rely on the blink effect. “does pepsi taste better than coke”. “will they like this show”. But the results are to be read with care, since they may blink negatively, but out of the ‘newness’ of the product, the weirdness of it. It doesn’t mean it’s bad or they won’t like it after some time

- you can trick people’s associations. For example : take the same yogurt made half with lemon and half with strawberries. Put one in a yellow package, and the other in a red one. Then ask  people to tell what it’s made of. The yellow package will make people think there’s a lot of lemon. Another trick : people unconsciously think round ice cream boxes contain more than the square one (even if not true).

- if you are in sales be very wary not to make snap judgements : you never know who is who, but we have a (bad) tendency to judge on appearances, grooming, etc…

Why you should (or should not) buy that book

The book is packed with stories that apply the blink effect to different – and fascinating – worlds : the military, the medical system, politics, the art and music world, etc… Also it will show you that you’re probably unconsciously racist (the author is half black and was unconsciously associating black people with negative emotions !).

I focused my notes on the marketing applications of the blink effect, but if you want a broader view on it then you might want to take a look at the full book.

Note that I read this book, but it’s mostly stories, linked together by the core problematic of that tipping point. I wish I had listened to the audiobook version.

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The Thank You Economy by Gary Vaynerchuck

The Thank You Economy is much more than saying “thank you.” The Thank You Economy represents a much bigger movement. This book could easily have been called The Humanization of Business or Manners Marketing.

Opinion on the book

I need to be honest : I was sold before reading the book. I love Gary Vaynerchuk, and I watch his public appearances for fun. But the book was great, it’s probably a good gift for an old friend who runs a company and hasn’t made it to the internet yet. Great read all in all, and still entertaining. You can check out one of his talk here.

The Book in One Sentence

If your company decides to step up, now is the the time when you can outcare and outwork any of your competitor in a way that was not possible before for the “small players”.

Quotes

“Social Media gives you the opportunity to take your business to its fullest potential. Grab it.”

“Competitors are bigger? Outcare them. They’re cheaper? Outcare them. They’ve got celebrity status and you don’t? Outcare them.”

Notes

# What is the thank you economy ?

In 1930 your butcher knew your name, the name of your children and gave you a call to wish you a happy birthday, even offering you some of his newly arrived bacon as a gift. This is why you would not go to another butcher. Because he cared. Because you were thankful to how much he cared.

Then big corporations came in and stopped caring. Because they didn’t have to. Because one unhappy customer was just that : an unhappy customer. Worst case scenario he would tell his mom and his wife, and that would be it.

Then the internet came in, and an unhappy customer has the power to tell thousands of people on facebook, twitter, or his blog, that he is an unhappy customer. Now is time to go back to Joe the butcher who knew and cared about his customers. You can do that because the internet allow you to. Go to https://twitter.com/search right now, type the name of your company/brand, and start communicating.

# 11 Excuses

According to Gary there are eleven excuses people use when justifying why they don’t believe in using Social Media. Eleven excuses that the author proceeds to dismantle. Most of them resolve around one fact : Social Media is in the world of the unknown. We don’t know the ROI, we don’t know if it will last, etc…

But this is exactly what people who advertised on the radio said when the television was invented. And what people said about the internet when it was invented. The thing with the new game : you have to start first, because it’s easier to take the hearth of a person that is not in love that to still that person from the one he/she loves.

And that’s exactly what you ought to do in the Thank You Economy : make people fall in love with your company !

Other excuses are : this is only for B2C and / or tech companies. There are great counter examples in the book about B2B and non-tech companies doing it right, but just keep this in mind : people do business with people. And it doesn’t matter if you sell tea to eco-friendly families or if you sell concrete to big businesses (if that’s your case you probably need to read the full book to grasp what to do ).

# How to do it right

If you start openly communicating about your company and with your customers, every flaw will be revealed. You have to be truthful and honest, and you have to be outstanding at what you deliver, and at caring for your customers. No bullshit here, people can smell it.

And it needs to come from the top. The most important thing a company should monitor is not the competition or the customers : it is the employees. The top need to care for the employees so the employees can care for the customers. An employee happy is an employee that is treated as an adult and whose needs are being met. This requires one-on-one knowledge of your employees, or at least one-on-one knowledge of them with someone from the top. The goal is to have caring culture at the top, and to apply it both internally and externally.

So here are the steps necessary to become a company that truly care :

- start with yourself if you’re at the top (see above)

- know and be yourself. You don’t have to become a “flip flop at work” company to enter the Thank You Economy. If you’re a suit and tie, that’s fine, just be honest about it and don’t try to look like what you’re not. Remember : people smell the bullshit from far away.

- commit 100%. You can’t just open a twitter account and advertise on it once in a while. You need to answer to people. You need to create a relationship. And then, once in a while, you can advertise. This will take time and ressources.

- invest in your employees, and trust them. If you make them have every tweet approved by a lawyer before being published, don’t even try… Also you need a strong company culture, where all your employees care about caring. If some of them just don’t fit maybe it’s time to reconsider your relationship with that employee.

# Final tricks

Some final ideas from the book :

- empower your employees. For example give the a discretionary budget to take care of customers and give away gifts

- right now the best strategy is to mix classic media with social media, to “bridge the gap”

- “The same intent that fuels any successful social media campaign also has to be behind the day-to-day engagement a brand pursues via social networking sites. Your intent should be twofold: water as many plants as possible, and put out every fire. When you’re tending to online relationships, every engagement should be answered with emotion, from the heart.”

- the little things matter. A lot. It’s : the car washer who provides Wifi. The cafe that offers regular customers a cake. The car repairer who cleans the car perfectly after the work is done.

- invest in your customers, not platforms. Instead of spending 40.000€ on a TV ad, make 1.000 customers happy with a 40€ gift. They will talk about it. Maybe one of them will have  a huge audience. Maybe not. But it doesn’t matter. Because you’ve outcared your competitors.

Why you should (or should not) buy that book

If you’re already sold on the ‘caring’ and social media thing, then you probably don’t need to read this book. But you should because it’s a quick and very entertaining read, and the case study are interesting.

If all this sounds new for you…then you probably need to read that book.

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On Becoming a Leader by Warren Bennis

Bennis here deplores what he considers a dearth of leadership in the world. Although he provides solid, practical guidance in how to fill this vacuum, his philosophically and psychologically rich volume seeks primarily to define leadership–which, in his view, requires self-knowledge and clear personal goals.

Opinion on the book

I was pleasantly surprised by this book, it’s an easy read but the ideas of the author were very interesting and on point – although you may sometimes agree or disagree upon some subjects.

The Book in One Sentence

Leaders are made, not born. The only question is : will you step up ?

Quotes

“”it is not enough for a leader to do things right, he must do the right thing”

“Leaders learn from others, but are not made by others.”

Notes

# What is a leader ?

In the author’s opinion’s, leaders are characters who are not interested in proving themselves but want above all to be able to express themselves fully. For him becoming a leader is the act of becoming more and more your true self. Often people say “I can’t lead” but they misunderstand leading for managing.

It ‘s not, there’s as many type of leader as there are people in the world. Leading is expression.

# How to become one

The author then gives us an exhaustive list of what he considers to be the common traits of leaders, among which :

- life-long learning and curiosity : leaders read, a lot

- a dream, a vision that goes beyond them and inspire others

- a personal integrity to his values and vision, which often makes the leader somehow ‘original’ because he doesn’t care about fitting in

- ” Using the context of your life, rather than surrendering to it”

Why you should (or should not) buy that book

If you like what you’ve read so far then it might be worth reading the entire book – especially for the part about becoming a leader.

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Note : this post was written by Tihomir Bajic who was the original creator of this blog. He works at Rypple and you can follow him on twitter here.

The Book

Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive by Noah J. Goldstein, Steve J. Martin and Robert B. Cialdini

Goldstein, Martin and Cialdini meld social psychology, pop culture and field research to demonstrate how the subtle addition, subtraction or substitution of a word, phrase, symbol or gesture can significantly influence consumer behavior. Interspersing references to Britney Spears, the Smurfs and Sex and the City with more academic concepts such as loss aversion and the scarcity principle, the authors illustrate the simple and surprising approaches that can hone a company’s marketing strategies.

Opinion on the book

I picked up this book as a fun light read for my flight to a friend’s wedding. It helps to be armed with the latest findings from the science of persuasion should someone get cold feet. Cialdini et al definitely delivered. They packed their conclusions into 50 short punchy chapters. Each one talks about one specific tactic that increases persuasiveness. Their suggestions are fresh and applicable to various life aspects. The right amount of humor shows that they don’t take themselves too definitively and helps turn what is really a summary of the latest research into an informative and memorable read.

The Book in One Sentence

Scientifically proven tricks to be more persuasive.

Notes

The book isn’t a Jedi manual on mind-control but was definitely helpful in pointing out things that usually make people more persuasive or more persuadable. It made me aware of mental processes that occur subconsciously in certain settings that may lead to non-standard decisions. It turns out that scientific evidence shows that emotionally charged people make bad purchasing decisions; sad people are willing to pay more than indifferent people for the same product. Is that why funerals cost so much? Or are they justifiably so expensive?

Some of the other points that blew me away:

• People tend to think of themselves as average. That is why telling someone their positive behavior is not average/expected may get them to change it even if that’s not to their advantage.
• You can get someone to like you more by getting them to help you. Once the person helps you, he subconsciously needs to reconcile the fact the he helped you (meaning he cares about you) with older negative feelings.
• Too much choice is confusing and can hurt business. After some point, an extra option on your menu or service offering that you hope will bring more interest can only cause less commitment to any particular choice. Less is more.
• Expression through writing is powerful. People are more likely to stick to their goals if they write them down first. Even writing about something emotionally charged can affect mood and subsequent decisions.
• Seek dissent during decision making process to avoid group think and to leverage each group member’s insight.
• People’s names (and even the first letter of their name) influence their career choices and preferences. A disproportionate number of guys named Dennis are dentists.

Why you should (or should not) buy that book

If you haven’t read “Influence” by Robert Cialdini then I would strongly recommend skipping this one for now and starting with that one. This one is more like a sequel and like most sequels, it is not as good.

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The 4-Hour Workweek, Expanded and Updated by Timothy Ferriss

Forget the old concept of retirement and the rest of the deferred-life plan–there is no need to wait and every reason not to, especially in unpredictable economic times. Whether your dream is escaping the rat race, experiencing high-end world travel, earning a monthly five-figure income with zero management, or just living more and working less, The 4-Hour Workweek is the blueprint.

Opinion on the book

This is very new but is already a classic and you probably have heard of it. Basically the idea behind it is to live the life you want, and do what YOU want on a daily basis. The book isn’t that big but it’s full of useful information and tips so I’m going to separate it in two parts.

So Welcome to the second part about : creating a muse, or automated income generator.

The Book in One Sentence

Re design your lifestyle with Tim Ferris.

Quotes

“Top mistake N°8. :  Not performing a thorough 80/20 nalysis every two to four weeks for your business and personal life”

Notes

This steps are generally not for people who want to run a business but for those who want to own one. And if you think “that doesn’t work in the real world” then just know that Microsoft XBox is built by Flextronics, the same company that design and ditribute Kodak’s cameras. You can outsource everything too.

# The Rules : our aim here

We need a product (if you do service then you’ll need to convert your expertise into a downloable or shippable product) that can’t take more than $500 to test, and can lend itself to automation within four weeks, meaning that it won’t require more than one day per week of management. That’s a muse.

# Step 1 : Pick an affordably reachable niche market

Don’t create demand, fill existing demand. Better : feel a need YOU have, so you know what the product must be like. First focus on the markets you belong to. What do you read? What do you do on your free time? Find two related markets.

Also think now about how you will sell because it will largely influence your future decisions. The less reseller the better, because they will compete with each other on the price, devaluating your product. Generally the more direct you-to-client the better. Go online.

# Step 2 : Brainstorm products

Now you have to brainstorm products for those markets. It must fill the criterias :
- main benefit can be told in one sentence
- cost customers $50 to $200 (enough so you make money but not enough so it’s a big investment for the client)
- no more than 3 to 4 weeks to manufacture
- easily explainable in an online FAQ (not something with 2.000 parameters)

If you want you can also sell information product instead of manufactured ones. Sell your expertise. Transform your skills into sellable information products.

# Step 3 : Micro-Test the muse

Testing here means using cheap advertising to see customer repsonsivness PRIOR to advertising. So you’ll test you products by :
- creating a one-to-three sales page, that will give offer visitors the whole process of buying without actually the possibility to buy, so you see how many sales you would have gotten
- test the offer using Google Adwords (look online if you don’t know what that is and how it works. Go to the author’s website and research it)
- invest on the products that appear to be good, and forget about the others

Other ideas : you can put fake auctions on ebay to see at what price it would sell! But don’t let anyone actually pay   Facebook groups also have every niche market ever possible.

# Step – Get yourself out of the equation

Basically the idea is to get yourself of everything you’re involved in in the organization. A schema showing how it looks like for the author :

Why you should (or should not) buy that book

This book is interesting as it is really full of useful tips, as well as giving you the little ‘push’ you may need. Starting with the author’s blog ( http://www.fourhourblog.com/ ) is a good idea, there are a lot of articles, on a very broad range of subject. But it’s a life philosophy book, and you can summarize that, but you can’t communicate it.
Also the book talks about how to apply those concepts when you’re an employee and want to stay so while still being able to have the life you want, which I didn’t keep notes about.

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The 4-Hour Workweek, Expanded and Updated by Timothy Ferriss

Forget the old concept of retirement and the rest of the deferred-life plan–there is no need to wait and every reason not to, especially in unpredictable economic times. Whether your dream is escaping the rat race, experiencing high-end world travel, earning a monthly five-figure income with zero management, or just living more and working less, The 4-Hour Workweek is the blueprint.

Opinion on the book

This is very new but is already a classic and you probably have heard of it. Basically the idea behind it is to live the life you want, and do what YOU want on a daily basis. The book isn’t that big but it’s full of useful information and tips so I’m going to separate it in two parts. This week you’ll get the concepts from the book, and next week you’ll get my notes on how to create a muse (a muse is passive income, income for which you don’t need to work. You’re sleeping and you’re earning money. Sweet program hu?)

The Book in One Sentence

Re design your lifestyle with Tim Ferris.

Quotes

“Which 20% of sources are causing 80% of my problems and unhappiness? Which 20% of sources are resulting in 80% of my desired outcomes and happiness?”

“Slow down and remember this: Most things make no difference. Being busy is a form of laziness—lazy thinking and indiscriminate action”

Notes

# Is that really the life you want?

Most people’s life plan is to work, get money, retire, and enjoy what they love doing. But why don’t you do that now? And beside, what is it you would do if you could retire RIGHT NOW? Take a paper, and write that down. Where do you live? With who? What do you do in the morning? During the day? Etc… Then calculate what it would cost you for a year. Divide by 365 and you’ll get your daily necessary income, which is probably much lower than you would expect (as long as you don’t want to live on a yacht or on the moon). Even if it is, you’re probably better off pursuing that NOW than waiting to be old. To do this you need 4 steps :
- D for Definition : Defining the lifestyle you want (what we did)
- E for Elimination : Killing all the unimportant stuff to regain control of your time
- A for Automation : Create automated income
- L for Liberation : Leave the life you want, free of boundaries

# Do what you want

This type of journey, trying to have the lifestyle you want, will set you apart and that’s not easy. But you’re really better off doing YOUR thing in life. Beside, don’t follow the crowd : most of the time there’s a better way than the way things are done now. Find it. Be unreasonable, go for what you want, and don’t be sorry about it.

# Do less

Relative income is more important than absolute income. If I earn $1000 a month by working a couple of hours every week, then it’s much more than someone who earns $10 000 every month but works his ass off 50 hours a week.
So one of the key of the book is to not try to do more each day, but try to do what has to be done in less time. See the difference? There are always ways around, found them and apply them.

# Pareto’s law

The law of 80/20 : 80% of the output is produced by 20% of the input. This apply EVERYWHERE. From sport to school learning to apple trees. And here : for time management and business.
When you do something always look for the 20% of clients that reprensent 80% of the sales. Or for the 20% of your work that produce 80% of the results.
OR also for the 20% of problems that are causing 80% of your unhapiness.

# Parkinson’s law

Parkinson’s law states that a task will expand in in perceived importance and complexity in relation to the time you allow for its completion. Which means that you could do something in 24 hours or a month depending on the deadline I give you. So to use this :
- limits tasks to the important, to shorten work time (80/20)
- shorten work time to limit tasks to the important (parkinson)

# Outsource your life

Tim Ferris advises to use an assistant. Find a cheap but reliable middle-sized company from Indi for exemple, on elance.com or another similar website.
Then you save time (and don’t have any more excuse to go online and waste time multitasking) because you can give him everything to do, basically, that does not require physical intervention. Cool stuff, I haven’t tried it yet but I know I will. Soon.

Why you should (or should not) buy that book

This book is interesting as it is really full of useful tips, as well as giving you the little ‘push’ you may need. Starting with the author’s blog ( http://www.fourhourblog.com/ ) is a good idea, there are a lot of articles, on a very broad range of subject. But it’s a life philosophy book, and you can summarize that, but you can’t communicate it.
Also the book talks about how to apply those concepts when you’re an employee and want to stay so while still being able to have the life you want, which I didn’t keep notes about.

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~Thomas

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Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment by George Leonard

Drawing on Zen philosophy and his expertise in the martial art of aikido, bestselling author George Leonard shows how the process of mastery can help us attain a higher level of excellence and a deeper sense of satisfaction and fulfillment in our daily lives. Whether you’re seeking to improve your career or your intimate relationships, increase self-esteem or create harmony within yourself, this inspiring prescriptive guide will help you master anything you choose and achieve success in all areas of your life.

Opinion on the book

This book is basically an in-depth version of the Dip, or at least it’s how I see it. It will teach you about the Dip (called here a plateau) and show you what’s keeping you from going through it, and how you can overcome that. Short yet fascinating read.

The Book in One Sentence

Mastery gives meaning to one’s life, and may be one of the best and hardest thing in life. Do you have the guts?

Quotes

“How do you best move toward mastery? To put it simply, you practice diligently, but you practice primarly for the sake of the practice itself. Rather than being frustrated while on the plateau, you learn to appreciate and enjoy it as much as you do the upward surges.”

Notes

# Mastery?

It can’t be defined but it is easy to recognize. It’s not a goal or a point you reach, it’s a journey you’re on. And it is accesible to everyone willing to get on the path and stay on it.

You set foot on that path whenever you try to learn a new skill, be it becoming a lawyer, fishing, karaté or even car washing (that last one is from me not from the book ;p). You can be a master at anything.

# Mastery – Why?

Mastery is totally out of fashion in our modern society, which focuses on short term gain and pleasure, on instant gratification. This is not sustainable, there will always come a point when we get out of  “quick-fix” to satisfy our unsatiable lust for immediate gratification. That’s the first reason.

The second reason you want to set yourself on the path to mastery : “In every human activity that involves significant learning – mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual [...] there are still millions of people who, while achieving great things in their work, are dedicated to the process as well as to the product – people who love the plateau. Life for these people is especially vivid and satisfying”.

# Mastery – Who?

Three part of our personnalities will try to make us give up, each for a different reason. Identify them so you can go on with you master’s journey :
- The Dabbler : the one thrilled by novelty. When novelty fades off, he thinks “that thing is not for me I better do something else” and he quits.
- The Obsessive : the one thrilled by being at the top. He’ll go at it 200%, but when he realizes he can’t escape the necessary journey to raise to the top, he quits.
- The Hacker : he loves the plateau so much that once he has reached one that make him feel good he doesn’t try to push through it. He feels like he has reached “his normal level”. He doesn’t quit but he settles for mediocrity, which could be even worse.

# Mastery – How?

The Mastery curve looks like this :

It is slow. As you can see you are going to spend most of your time on ‘plateaus’, which are those lines where you just push and push but nothing visible happens, until suddently : CLICK. You can feel it, you can see it, you just attained a new level. But then here comes the plateau again, and so on…

That’s why mastery is about loving the proces. Mastery involve  key steps :
- instruction. Find a teacher/mentor and follow his lead. You may want to try different ones, and even need to change at some point.
- practice. Simple : you can’t master something if you don’t practice it.
- surrender. You have to let go off your ego and become permeable to what the teachings and the practice will do to you. Surrender to the fact that it will take your time and energy. Surrender to the fact that you WILL fail in the process and even be humiliated.
- intentionality (=willpower+consciousness). Ex:Schwarenneger say that pumping a weight one time with full consciousness was worth ten without mental awareness.
- the edge. When you’re deep into mastery you can always try to go further, always and always, to your edge. More training, more time on the plateau : the never-ending path.

# Final note : Homeostasis

The concept from the book that stuck the most to me, and once I learned it I started to see it everywhere. You take on a new resolution, let’s say to do regular sport. It makes you feel good, you enjoy it, people around you look at you happy you’re doing it. But then for some reason you stop. You probably have very good excuses too.

That’s homeostasis, a.k.a resistance to change, or equilibrium maintenance. Our body, brain and behavior have a built-in tendency to stay the same within narrow limits, and to snap back when changed. The evolutionary idea behind it is “you’ve survived so far like that, why change things now?”.

Notes from me (that’s a bit long, I’ll probably write an article on that on my blog ^^) : if you think about it you can see that everywhere. Homeostasis keep families together, keeps you from leaving a job even if you hate it, keeps you from growing.

But it is also a great tool you have to use, because if you fight it and push through it, then you create a NEW equilibrium. For example if you decide to get into sport, once you push through that period when your body says “are you REALLY doing that to us? Stop that right now idiot it HURTS!”, then a new you is born. The new you does sport. And the new you’s body is going to tell him things like “What are you doing in front of your TV? Are you REALLY doing that to us? Step the f*** up and go do some benchpress”.

Isn’t that awesome?

Why you should (or should not) buy that book

If you’re in the process of mastering a skill but are struggling then you’ll get a lot of value from this book. It will also be a nice read if you’re looking for inspiration to actually do something meaningful of your time.

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~Thomas

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The Way of the Superior Man : A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire by David Deida

What is your true purpose in life? What do women really want? What makes a good lover? If you’re a man reading this, you’ve undoubtedly asked yourself these questions-but you may not have had much luck answering them. Until now. In The Way of the Superior Man, David Deida explores the most important issues in men’s lives-from career and family to women and intimacy to love and spirituality-to offer a practical guidebook for living a masculine life of integrity, authenticity, and freedom.

Opinion on the book

Sorry ladies but today is a book about men, real men. Being a man is not just a matter of gender, it is a matter of how you interact with the world on a day to day basis. Are you living up to your true potential? Are you being the best possible man you could be? Are you being a superior man? Or are you thinking that thing between your legs is what makes you a man? If so, please read on… And women read on too, it’s an useful read to anyone.

Some of it could make you feel like this is misogynist or whatever sometimes.. Bouhbouh, get over it and respect the author’s opinions as he would probably respect yours. Or as he puts it “The way of the superior man is a book writen explicitly for people who have already achieved respect for other genders and […] consider men and women to be social, economic and political equals. Now we are ready [to celebrate] the sexual and spiritual passions inherent in the masculine / feminine polarity.

The Book in One Sentence

Do you possible best at being a man, live life to the maximum, be perfect in your own standards, share your gifts and your love with the world and with your woman; the word and your woman will reward you for it.

Quotes

“If you want real passion, you need a ravisher and a ravished; otherwise, you just have two buddies who decide to rub genitals in bed”

“The way a man penetrates the world should be the same way he penetrates his woman : not merely for personal gain or pleasure, but to magnify love, openness and depth”

Notes

# Live your purpose

• if you’re a man you have to admit to yourself that your mission is the most important thing in your life. You may be in a relationship and that’s probably one of the most important thing in your life, but you KNOW your mission is on top of that. That’s what makes you a man. Fully live it, don’t be ashamed of it
• live as if your father were dead, or to rephrase it : don’t care what people think, neither your parents nor other people, do things because YOU think they’re right. Live on your own terms, set your own standards for yourself. It doesn’t matter what they are as long as they make you live to your full capabilities as a man
• a man’s life should resolve around action. He has a gift he cannot help but distribute to the world and to his woman
• it’s is important you discover what you have to offer the world. Doing that is easy and hard at the same time : you have to stop the ambient sound. Quit TV totally. Stop looking at the news. Stop filling time for the sake of it and leave time for your own brain to speak with himself. This is hard at first. But at some point something magic will happen, and you’ll have a ‘vision’, you’ll just KNOW what to do next. You can also do this by experiencing new things : go motorbiking for hours, walk in the forest, camp alone in the hoods, and let your your thoughts free, while keeping in mind that you’re looking for your mission in life
• this purpose will change in the course of your life, like an onion you peel : you find a purpose, go for it, then after some time you find there’s another layer, another purpose waiting for you. That’s part of life, embrace it.

# Live life fully, on your edge

• your life will never be ‘complete’. Things will never be different in a fundamental way, only you will be. So take control of your life and do what YOU want, give your gift to the world and live by your own standard
• don’t look on external factors to get ‘fulfilled’. If you’re expecting your woman to make you happy, then she’ll leave and she’ll be right to do so. Her role is to bring her feminine essence into her life, to inspire you, to give your her love and her trust, but she is not meant to make your life complete, even though she thinks she should be the most important part of your life
• as a man it is your duty to live on your edge in each area of your life. Living on your edge means to never settle for anything but your personal best. And be honest about where you really stand.
• Also, a man needs to be free. That doesn’t mean to not get attached to anything, but it means you have to be willing to give up everything you have and know, if that’s necessary for your purpose. Your woman will never admit it but she needs to feel that in you

# On the difference between men and women

• First of all we all have a masculine and a feminine part, both men and women. That’s something we have to accept. Some men are more on the feminine part while some women are more on the masculine part. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that but you need to know where you stand in order to find a good relationship : balance is required, and two masculine being or feminine being won’t work together. There won’t be that masculine/feminine polarity required for passion. This is true for heterosexual as well as for homosexual relationships
• The masculine is in research for freedom, for his mission. For him competition, putting it all on the line, are forms of ecstasy. Think war stories and heroism. Men are beings of action.
• The feminine finds the research of love and emotion to be more appealing. Women are emotional being.
• this action/emotion difference leads to the fact that women speak through the lens of their emotions, which can vary from a minute to another. They’re not lying or changing being, it is just that what they say is what they feel. A man on the other hand is of action, he has to trust in what he says so people can trust him in return
• a woman is emotional and changing, a man must be constant in his grounding and trustability, and generally on the way he carries himself through life. You can’t be a very sexual being with your woman, then be her friend, then her work partner, and maintain a stable polarized relationship

# Living with women

• Whatever you think is wrong with your actual women probably is not. Most of the time people’s attitude and behavior toward you is a reflection of your own attitudes and behaviors. Meaning : treat people well and that’s how you’ll be treated. Be a trustable person so you can trust the people around you. Be a worthy man so your woman can be her best to. How could she be the best possible person around you if you’re not being the best possible man you can. But if there’s really a flaw you cannot live with then it’s time to move on from that relationship
• Fighting with women is part of relationships. Women will constantly ‘test you’ to see if you’re grounded, if you’re strong, if she can trust you as a man. It’s part of life, laugh at it and learn to enjoy it. Take her in your arms, spin her and kiss her. Also this means that you have to be grounded, centered, to trust in yourself. She doesn’t do it to hurt you, she does it because you proving you’re free and loving, a grounded man, makes her feel loved and trusting
• Don’t change your mind for your woman or you’ll lose her respect and trust. She doesn’t want you to. You have to take what she says into account and then take the best possible decision based on the data you have at hand. How can she put her trust in you if you don’t even trust in yourself? Also be fearless in your actions and decisions, don’t forget that you’re in charge of things and need to take responsibility
• Identify what you need in a woman, you need a woman to be your complimentary opposite. It’s all about energy : the more masculine you are the more feminine your woman must be to really inspire you.
• Also you’ll have period when you want a ‘hot’ woman, very energetic, that will pump you up, while at others you’ll want a more cold one, that will actually calm you down. Recognize that fact but don’t use it as an excuse to change constantly. You can balance hotness/coolness in other areas of your life : diet (spicy food), sport (yoga or boxing?)…
• Note : Our society is ‘depolarizing’ couples, meaning than both men and women are more and more neutrals. Find your side and live it to the fullest if you want passion in your life. If you don’t want passion in your life then you’re fine.

And to conclude this already too long notes : “A man rediscovers and fine tunes his purpose in solitude, in challenging situations, and in the company of other men who won’t settle for his bullshit. But women strengthen their feminine radiance best in the company of other women in mutual celebration and play. A man must arrange for both forms of restoration : his own solitude and men’s gatherings, and his woman’s time with other women.”

Why you should (or should not) buy that book

I believe that book is a nice break up book any woman should offer to a man. You know that guy who just wasn’t ‘it’, well you owe him that book. I’m going to be honest here : I wish someone had offered it to me when I was starting ‘girls’, in high school or so.

I often refer to some parts of it myself when looking for inspiration or motivation, but most of it is in the notes so unless you want to get deeper in the subject you can avoid spending money on that one. But reading it from cover to the end really motivates you to step up and be awesome.

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~Thomas

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59 Seconds: Change Your Life in Under a Minute by Richard Wiseman

Richard Wiseman has been troubled by the realization that the self-help industry often promotes exercises that destroy motivation, damage relationships, and reduce creativity: the opposite of everything it promises. Now, in 59 Seconds, he fights back, bringing together the diverse scientific advice that can help you change your life in under a minute, and guides you toward becoming more decisive, more imaginative, more engaged, and altogether more happy.

Opinion on the book

I actually got my hand on the audio version of this book so I don’t know about the paper version, but the nice part I found is that it’s divided in a lot of topics, which means you can take it, listen/read it for 15minutes and then put it back in your bag.

Perfect for a quick bus ride for example. And beside the book is VERY dense in information so it’s better to take your time to read it. Actually it has been very hard to do the notes because what I had was basically a transcript of the audiobook… Not much to cut away from this one.

Oh and all the information is taken from scientific studies so it as at least some sort of thinking behind it, which you usually don’t find in other self development books which are mostly just empty sentences full of unproven facts. But of course you won’t find those in this newsletter

The Book in One Sentence

Scientifically proved exercises to help you grow.

Quotes

“75% of our regrets are made of “I should have” while only 25% are made of “I shouldn’t have”.”

Notes

# The Reverse Effect

Your state of mind defines your attitude but your attitude can also affect the state of mind. Look at how you act when you feel such a way; then do those things to feel that way. Can also influence people :

• Happiness ↔ You’re smiling, you use positive words, you sit up straight
• Someone likes you ↔ He does you a small favor : make someone do you a very small favor, and he’ll unconsciously think “I’m doing him a favor I must like that guy” (known as the Franklin Effect : “We do not like people for the good they have done us but for the good we do to them”)
• You’re in Love with someone ↔ you stare each other in the eyes (big creator of attraction)

# The By-Stander Effect

The higher the number of people involved, the more dissolved the responsibility is until nobody feels responsible anymore. This can lead to very bad things :

• if someone needs help, people around will look at each other, and most of the time nobody will do anything. Solutions :
  • if you’re looking for help make someone responsible! Designate a person and tell them what’s going on
  • if you’re facing a situation like this don’t be the passive by-stander, you have to stand up and be the one taking action
• if you send an email to multiple persons each will let the others have the responsibility to answer / do what’s asked. Solutions :
  • name someone and tell them exactly what they have to do
  • hiding the fact that you’re sending the email to multiple people is dishonest (that’s not from the book, that’s me)
• that’s how riots start, crowds or even work groups are always extreme. A crowd of people a little violent will be very violent and start a riot. A team of people individually inclined to taking risks will take a lot of risks; same goes for conservative people. Solutions :
  • none. That’s a fact you can’t do nothing against. Avoid teams for important decisions, let one person at the head of things that will be responsible. Also in group think the creativity responsibility is dissolved so every individual is better off alone and sharing after

# Go to your own funerals

I recommend you do that every day. The idea is to imagine yourself from an outside point of view. Do you like what you see? Is that how you want to be remembered or is their area in your life you have to work on so you can be the best possible version of yourself, by your own standards. This exercise helps you associate with your goals on an emotional level. Here are some area to consider :

• personality
• achievements
• personal strength
• family life
• professional success
• behavior toward others

# Unleash the power of your unconscious mind

I’m sorry to tell you but your unconscious mind is smarter than you are. And more creative also. Yes that’s right. Imagine you’re talking with two guys, one of them stupid but very loud and who talks a lot, while the other is very smart but very shy. That’s what’s happening with your conscious and unconscious mind : you have to silent the conscious one so the unconscious can express itself. So if you need to take an important decision you’re hesitating on, if you need to be more creative or to solve a problem, do those steps :

1) Work for some time on the problem at your hands. Your accumulating information for your unconscious mind to process.2) Totally forget about it and do something else. You can do something very challenging for the mind like Sudoku, or solving another problem; or you can change context by for example going running, driving around, going to a museum, reading an article…

3) Get back to what your were doing in 1). It should be much more easy.

# Divers and fun stuff

• Be careful with gossips; the emotion is associated with you, if you say someone is very aggressive, then people will associate this with you. So make positive gossips to have people associate the positive feelings to you!
• 75% of our regrets are made of “I should have” while only 25% are made of “I shouldn’t have” → GO, DO IT
• Procrastination and motivation : we have a urge to finish what we start, that’s human, so trick yourself into starting for a few minutes (“I’ll just write the introduction to that essay”, “I’ll just walk to the gym even though I won’t get inside, it’s nice to go out a little”)
• Praising children (or people) on their capabilities and accomplishments make them lazy. Praising them on their hard work, on how it’s nice that they try and try even when it doesn’t work, it motivates them

Why you should (or should not) buy that book

I’ve tried to put here some of the information I personally found the most useful and am applying in my day-to-day life. Putting all of them would have meant giving away all the content of the book, which is very forbidden my friend. To know if more stuff could interest you take a look at the table content of the book on Amazon (take a look inside → table of contents).

For example there’s a whole part on stress I didn’t bother listening to as I don’t really suffer from that. If you check it out and find anything interesting tell me about it in the comments

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~Thomas

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What about you? Have you read that book? What did you think of it?